Duck Book
Which is why I’m federally barred from producing childrens’ lit
Which is why I’m federally barred from producing childrens’ lit
I’m going to see Weird Al tonight, part of his ‘Mandatory Fun’ tour is taking him to BG’s new SKyPAC theater. So it got me wondering, when did he land on the name ‘Weird Al’? I could maybe learn something about this by googling it but instead I will speculate wildly.
Long ago, Alphonse was picked on a great deal, and the kids called him that name. He wasn’t a kid, it wasn’t that long ago. This was like, in his early twenties. The name was simply Weird Al because children are dumb. I mean, you think I’m dumb, try talking to a child. So ol’ Albert eventually gets an act together, a persona, or maybe he’s just like that, and he gets picked up by that funny little man who was caught in a bear trap according to his autobiographical song, and now he needs a name.
I posit that he immediately went with Weird Al because it was all he could think of. I assume this because I can think of loads of stuff easy. Like, AbnormAl, and UnusuAl. You may think those are stupid names, and you may think I’m stupid, and you’d be right on both counts, but they’re the kind of name that seem clever at first, you know? If you could evaluate the name Weird Al without the success it achieved, you’d… well you’d still think it was a better name, but only if you thought about it for a while I think. I bet anyone would pick UnusuAl before that, if they thought of it, because even though it’s not better, it’s weirder. Which is, I’m pretty sure, the theme here.
So why did he pick Weird Al? Well, it’s because of those damned kids. And by now he’s thought of the other names, and he’s thought of how they might have seemed cool but would ultimately be pretty dumb, so Alfred looks back at those mean kids who threw eggs at him (I’m assuming that, too) and he thinks, ‘thanks, dumb kids.’
MusicAl, see, there’s another one.
Dan and I first got into trivia night when it was Tuesday at Mellow Mushroom. They’re still running it, though we’ve kind of shied away from that one. Tougher crowd, fewer and lesser prizes. What we really got into was when 643 started doing it. We did well there. They offered prizes down to third place, and a higher prize to first and second. They also had wings for half-off on trivia night. Well, they did at first, anyway, they moved trivia to another night. So when 643 closed it really upset us. You can learn more on the status of 643 by researching another restaurant that was closed in the same building under the same circumstances, Mariah’s.
So now our mainstay is Overtime, which is alright, except trivia there is run by some guy from a group that runs other trivia places, and, well, he’s alright I guess, but we finally got around to winning, right? We’re in first place, he asks the final question, we bet everything, so there, we win. That’s how the game works. But everyone got the final question right. He thinks that nullifies the part where he said ‘final’ in ‘final question’. So he asks another, and, you know, we’re dumb, so we don’t know the answer. It was something about the supreme court. When do appointments to the court go into effect. So someone else in the crowd is either a Supreme Court clerk or lucky or owns a cell phone but not dignity, and they get it and vault ahead of us, who got it wrong (though we wagered no points). So he gives us second place and is otherwise unresponsive to complaint.
I think Dan called his boss or something, but the results of that were to be determined at the next trivia night, for which I was out of town and Dan flaked as is his wont. Parker probably missed it, too, but he wasn’t there on the night we were so unjustly disgraced, so I don’t think it would have mattered if he showed. In about 15 minutes here I’ma go to trivia again, and wish it was 643. Wish me luck.
The following shall be a treatise on why Matt Damon is the best. Just all-around, the absolute best.
I don’t know what a treatise is so we’re gonna go ahead and jump right into the bulleted list:
In conclusion, Matt Damon.
One time I saved fanboat from a burning bus in his dream, and I was in Interstellar. Sometimes I confuse myself with Mark Wahlberg but that’s okay.
I have been receiving an inordinate number of golf balls through the post recently. I briefly sought to reduce the barrage by nailing my mailbox shut, but found that this only resulted in Russian mafiosos throwing them at my head as they drove by shouting “Сука блят!!” which I assume means something like ‘here are more golf balls’.
Сука блят!!
-A Commy Gangster
So I have reopened my mailbox. I have attempted to contact Tiger Woods on the matter as I am told he is a manner of expert on the subject of golf balls, but I only managed to connect to the tiger cages at several notable zoos. Take note: there are several phone numbers which dial directly into cages containing tigers. Isn’t that weird? Why do they need that?
In closing, this is not a test post that I am using to test my website’s functionality, this is all absolute fact. Thank you.
Oh god how did this get here I am not good with computer